PIB: Popstars in Black
by Master Fifer
Summary: Fifer, writing again! Should we be afraid, or TERRIFIED? Just a ditty I've been writing in one of my many notebooks. Imagine the Gravitation cast acting like Men in Black. Now you know. No aliens or popstars were harmed in the typing of this story. .
1. Chapter 1

Alright, well, the following monstrosity needs some explanation. I harbor many, many, many, many, MANY notebooks. Tons of notebooks. LOTS AND LOTS of notebooks. Some of them empty and some of them full of miscellaneous crap that I think of. This story is of the latter. I'd been watching Men in Black with Liger Zero Nightmare at her house and decided that it was just be HIIIILAAARIOUS if Gravitation characters were MIB characters. ... yeah. I'm pretty lame, I know. BTW: I'm going to rate it T for now just becasue of some language but it might go up to M for later chapters. (winkwink).

Well, it would kind of spoil it to tell you who each character is, so I won't unless you really are confused. Also, they're a little younger than the anime. Trust me, LZN and I get in fights about Ryuichi's age (he can't be 31!), so I took the liberty to knock some numerals off of them. If you need any extra feedback or tips, you can email me at (you know where to find it) or, you know, just the review button... Yeah, I know you know where it is...

Without further ado, I give to you our monstrosity.

**Popstars in Black**

**Chapter 1: Mistah K, Please.**

K slammed the receiver of the telephone down loudly. Agent T flinched noticeably.

_He's mad ... Someone just died or something, 'cause he's mad ... Please don't shoot me, please don't shoot me..._

K eyed T through his black glasses.

"Agent T, I am mad. Someone just died in some sort of freak mission, and I am mad," K intoned, almost reading T's mind.

Agent T stared impassively at him. K laced his fingers together resting his elbows on the glass table. His blue eyes stared demandingly at T, his glasses resting on his nose. Eyes half lidded, he smirked and said nothing. Agent T fidgeted, feeling sweat start to bead on his forehead.

"Well," K asked nicely. "Aren't you going to ask me who died?"

"Who died, sir?"

K regarded the all but trembling agent, pausing for dramatic effect.

"... Agent M."

"OH, THANK GOD!"

K raised an eyebrow at T, who was parading around the room, praising the heavens and singing for all he was worth. K cleared his throat noisily, sitting up in his chair.

"... I mean, oh no! Oh, God, No! WHY!? Who would commit SUCH a crime! The agony! Poor POOR Agent M-"

"'s okay, T. I didn't like her either."

T sighed, relieved and sat back down.

"You do know what this means, right?" K asked casually.

T mentally cackled, rubbing his hands together.

_Yeeeeees, this means a new partner for meeeeeeee..._

He looked crestfallenly at K.

"I think so, sir."

K smiled.

"Good. Your new partner should arrive at any second."

"May I ask my new partner's title?"

"Agent R."

Ahh, Agent R. T liked the sound of that. Possibly a foxy Rita ... or Ren. Maybe even a sassy Raleigh... He nodded, poker face deeply set. K leaned back in his chair kicking his feet onto the table.

"I must remind you that this is a fairly new agent. You'll have to train him or her yourself, T."

"I understand, sir."

There was a knock at the door, and Agent B announced that Agent R was here and waiting. K nodded and stood taking long casual strides. T followed excitedly. As they neared the "lobby", singing was heard.

"Ryulicious, definition, make them boys go loco. They want my treasure so they get their pleasure from my photo. You can see me you can squeeze me, I ain't easy, I am sleezy. I got reasons why I tease them boys just come and go like seasons. Ryulicious-"

"What on earth-"

K smiled widely.

"Agent T, meet Agent R."

And WHAT was thrust into T's face? A young man probably in his early twenties holding a stuffed pink bear bunny hybrid that had seen better days. The kid looked so excited T swore he was going to wet his pants at any given moment. His blue eyes were bright (TOO bright...) with hyperness and at first sight of T, he started hopping from foot to foot.

"OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH! YOU MUST BE AGENT T!!! KUMAGOROU AND I HAVE HEARD ALL ABOUT YOU AND-"

T turned around frantically looking for K. The blonde boss had disappeared again.

_DAMN HIM..._

T sighed, turned, and started walking away. Agent R stopped jigging, looking puzzled.

"Hey, hey! We're a team now, right! Hey, wait up! Hey, where ya going, huh?" He followed after T, relentless and determined. "Wait up, T-Dawg!"

"First off, it's T. Just T. That's it."

Agent R saluted, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth comically.

"You got it T Just T That's It!"

"No, it's just T- Nevermind. I'm off to get some coffee."

"Oooo, can I have some? Please please PLEASE?"

T regarded the slight teen.

"... It will stunt your growth."

R frowned, shoving the bear bunny into T's face.

"But I want some! Kumagorou says I can have some."

"Why should I give you any? You don't NEED any more caffeine."

"Because I want some," R said firmly, corssing his arms over his chest. T shook his head.

"No," he said shortly and full of emphasise. He continued walking.

"But Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." R whined. "Can't I have a sip?"

"No."

"A drop!?"

"No."

"Pleeeeease..."

"No."

I'm working on the other chapter as we speak ... or type ... read ... whatever. It will be up shortly. Hope you like it!

Reeses n' PEACE!

Fifer-chan


	2. Minor Miscalculations

Hope you enjoyed that first introductory chapter. It gets better, I promise!

**Chapter 2: Minor Miscalculations**

"It's ugly. It's too grown-up looking."

T sighed, carefully setting the new suit down.

"What do you mean too grown-up looking?"

R's brows were knitted together in stubborn anger, a cowlick of hair hanging moodily over one eye.

"Only adults wear stuff like that."

"Well, I wear it and I'm twenty-three!"

"Well, YEAH, but you look like the type that can't hold a girl for more than ten minutes, na no da. I can smell stuff like that..."

A vein appeared near T's forehead as he curled his hand into a fist. Boy, was this kid difficult...

T had had to drag him kicking and screaming into the shooting room, where instead of shooting monsters like all of the other cool kids R had cried and complained loudly clinging to T's pantleg. When given the gun to hold, he had insisted that he didn't like it, dropped it, and they had all found out the hard way that the safety was, in fact, not on as Agent L was going home with a shot foot. Deciding to save shooting for another time, T then had to forcefully push R into the LRM (Lunch Reviewal Machine) and only after buckling and strapping him in, he had said he had to go to the bathroom. NOW. After a quick trip to the restroom, it was more kicking and screaming into the LRM (again) and when finally strapped in (again), R insisted that, "Kumagorou couldn't ride the ride because you had to be **this **tall to get on it, na no da." ... He said this **AFTER** T had gotten into the control booth. Grabbing the plushie from the machine, T had yelled enough was enough and like it or not it was time to start the machine. In response, R had sung Barbie Bitch at the top of his lungs, replacing Barbie with T and she/her to he/him, kicking his feet to the music. He broke the LRM. After apologizing PROFUSELY to K (who wasn't listening because R was making faces over T's shoulder), T had moved onto the gadgets room. R was suspiciously quiet throughout the tour, and when T turned around to see why it was because R was not there. Agent C had been stupid enough to taunt him and take the precious pink plushie, and had paid for it severely. When T got there to restrain a furious R, C had a broken nose and was suffering a concussion brought on by a nearby and handy desk lamp. He got the day off and went home. A little peeved that R had managed to send home two of their toughest agents in his hour and forty-five minutes of arrival, T decided it would be a good time to try on suits. And now, apparently, they were, "Too adult."

"It's mandatory. You HAVE to wear one."

"Well, let me speak to this man Datory, and give him a piece of my mind!"

"You have to wear it!"

"No."

"BUT YOU HAVE-"

"Na **NO **da."

T ground his teeth, wishing all of a sudden a giant anvil would crash down on his new partner like in the cartoons.

"Fine. Parade around in your khakis and cheap Gap shirt," He snapped irritably.

"I will," R's response was defiant.

T growled, storming out of the locker rooms, up the stairs, and into his small workspace. He was trying to be good, hoping that K would notice and fianlly give him that office that overlooked the city along with a promotion, but no such luck yet. Frowning, he began to work on R's personal business.

Name: Ryuichi Sakuma

Delete.

DOB: April 1st, 1989

_How fitting, April 1st, _T mused as he deleted that as well.

Height: 5' 9" Blah blah...

Delete.

Weight: 147 pounds

Delete.

Eye color, hometown, parents, school(s), current location, sexual orientation.

Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete.

T leaned back in his chair, pulling his hat over his eyes and massaging his temples. He needed a nice big sundae right now. With extra fudge and whipped cream... the chocolate syrup oozing down the sides as it collected in a sticky puddle at the bottom of the bowl-

"T?"

"AHH!"

CRASH!

R smiled down at T.

"T, chairs are made for sitting, silly billy..."

T threw his hat from his face, eyes red with murder.

"R, DO NOT-"

He stopped mid rant. R was, grudgingly, wearing his suit. R nibbled Kumagorou's ear nervously and toed the ground.

"Does-does it look alright?"

T nodded.

"Yeah, it looks great. Now, if we could just clean you up you could look pretty handsome."

Awkward silence...

"I mean decent! Decent not hand- not handcent- uhh... I meant dehandcent- Coffee?"

"REALLY!? YOU'LL LET ME HAVE COFFEE FOR REAL?!"

T nodded, feeling faint.

_God, put this kid in a suit and you fall for him..._

Meanwhile...

"NO, NOT THAT ONE, THE OTHER ONE-"

EXPLODE! ((A/N Don't you love anomatopias!?))

Silence... ((A/N There it is again! Squee!))

"Oh my gosh! Y!? Y, are you okay?!"

"Agent S, step away from me before I do something unnecesary..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I thought it was the other-"

"Well, obviously it wasn't otherwise our car would not be blown to bits right now... Damn brat..."

"I'm sorry..."

Y lit up a cigarette, wiping the soot and ash from his face, trying to remain calm. S had been his assigned partner for a little over two weeks now, and the first time he had seen him he had not been afraid to voice his opinions to K. One word, just one word was all that needed to be said about the situation. "NO." K made up some lame excuse, like he always did, about budget being low and new partners being crucial to the MiB incorporation. Nevertheless, Y had complained persistently by face to face, phone, letter, e-mail, and the ever popular TEXT messaging. K deleted or discarded of all of them without a second, or first, glance.

But back to the problem in the flesh. The pink haired Chihuahua yapped nonstop, whined piteously, cried, and EVEN told Y that smoking was bad for your health. NO ONE told Y not to smoke.

NO ONE.

He had grudgingly put up with S and his antics, but Y found himself awake at night wondering just how (HOW) much more he could take. He knew he probably had it better than T who had that steak loving bitch M, who just happened to be Y's sister.

"Hn," One of Y's amused sounds. S looked up at him, eyes tearful and big.

"I really am sorry, Y! It-it won't happen again, I promise! I'll do better-"

"Shut up, you're giving me a headache."

S shut up, mentally cheering. When Y told him to shut up it meant he was forgiving him in his own Y way! ... right? Y took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled loudly, blowing smoke out of his nose.

"Give me your phone. My Katana is out of batteries."

"Wha- Oh, right," S fumbled in his pocket, eager to please. He handed Y the ... pink RAZR ... and smiled wide. Y regarded the pink phone, and looked at S who looked at his shoes and mumbled.

"It was a present, okay..."

"Hn," Y announced as he flipped the phone open. The ONLY contacts S had on his phone were Mommyhome, Mommycell, Mommyoffice, Mommyfax, Mommyemergency, Hirohome, Hirocell, and California Pizza along with Panda Express take out numbers.

"...hn."

Luckily, Y knew T's cell by evil cold sadistic heart. Ignoring the brat's string of babble, he dialed.

Whoo, there's a long one for ya! Hope you enjoy. R&R please, as always!

Fifer-chan


End file.
